told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize