Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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