Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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