I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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