Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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