You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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