I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I will be naked everywhere
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize