Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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