I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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