everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize