Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize