You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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