garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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