apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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