Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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