I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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