so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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