You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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