it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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