is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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