just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize