I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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