it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize