he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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