Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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