I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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