if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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