tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize