Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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