i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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