I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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