So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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