I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize