I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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