I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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