please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize