I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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