just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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