Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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