it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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