i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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