as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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