He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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