I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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