do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There r osticjed everywhere
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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