11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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