He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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