Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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