my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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