to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize